First thing first,
I would like to wish my fellow Muslim friends a very happy Hari Raya,
and Maaf Zahir Batin.

I must say this Syawal is indeed a blessed one.
I get to celebrate the first day of Raya with my sis and my nephews after 5 long years.
Even though we still got to celebrate the 2nd day (onwards) together then,
it still felt different, you know. The atmosphere of the first day of Syawal is surreal,
and when you have your entire family and your loved ones around you, you just feel complete.
That's how I feel, at least.

I also get to meet my aunt (dad's sis-in-law) and my cousins from Muar for the very first time in so many years. Having them over at our place on the first day of Raya makes Syawal this year even more special. Albeit the fact that we often communicate thru FB, its just so different to see them face to face after so long. Now, I am definitely hoping to celebrate Raya in Muar one day, InsyaAllah.

And you know what's the best thing that could have happened this Syawal?
It is too see my loved one rekindling severed ties, asking for forgiveness and starting anew.
I learnt a lot thru out these past few months. I see my loved ones falling apart,
I see them turning against one another. I learnt what love really means.
I learnt how much one careless mistake can turn your life upside down, how it can devastates the life of the people around you.
I learnt how important trust is. And thru all of these, I get to finally see them in a different light.
The real them. The person they really are on the inside that is so much different from what they portrayed on the outside.

And most importantly, it opened my eyes. I get to really, really see them.
There are the ones whom I am really very proud of. And then, there are the few who really disappoints me. Who made me question myself for trusting them. And to put it simpler, I just don't give a damn about them anymore.

It pained me to see someone close to me losing everything she held dearly. But I have to applaud her, for her strength, and for her love for Allah, especially, how she went thru eveything, every shit that came her way with her head held high. How she ignore all the negativity, the constant talking and bitching behind her back. She stood firmly on the ground. She refuses to let anything bring her down for the second time.
I know how much it hurts her when the people she loved turned against her. When they did everything they could to bring her down. But Allah sees and knows everything, even things that are deep in your heart.

I think she came out of this trial a winner. And I am very happy for her. She's so strong,

and even when she knew all along she was right, she didn't find it necessary to go around telling people she's right. She kept quiet. She turned to Allah. And in the end,
the people who hurt her were the ones who came back asking for her forgiveness. And even so, she didn't go 'I told you so' to them. To be honest, if I were in her shoes, I would just love to turn the tables on them and say that right in their faces. She has so much patience in her, that I feel ashamed of myself.
I am also very proud of the other person, for realizing her mistakes, and being brave enough to come forward and apologize. It takes a lot of courage to do just that. Its not who you were that defines you. What's important is that you learn from your mistakes and move forward in your life.


And then there's some people who I am so truly disappointed with. Whom we've done so much for. But at the end of the day, when they've got what they needed, they turned their backs on us. I tried to 'right' the wrong by being honest to them. I told them what I felt but unfortunately, they saw that as my way of retaliation. They couldn't accept the fact that I think so little of them. I gave in eventually, and apologized, not wanting to make a bad situation worse, but it takes two to tango, right? I can't force people to admit their mistakes, can't force them to change their ways. So right now, I'm going to just keep quiet. Life is like a wheel. Right now they're up there. They're so happy and so satisfied with their lives, they think they're untouchable. But like I said, life is like a wheel. You aren't always on top. And when you fall...

But while I am disappointed with them, I wouldn't say I'm sad that we've drifted apart.
Who needs people who aren't sincere in their life? I certainly don't.

In fact I am very glad and fortunate that while I lost some people in my life, I am blessed to have found new ones. Right now, after all that we've been thru, we became stronger. We learn to be grateful and to appreciate what we have in our lives. And I am definitely grateful to have them in my life. We're so close now, we're like siblings, each and every one of us. Thank you Allah. Like they say, you lose some, you win some. All's well in the end.

This is definitely an eye-opening experience and most memorable Syawal ever. Wish my Nenek was here with us. That would definitely make this Syawal a prefect one. I love and miss you Nenek, so very much. May Allah bless you and your soul always. We will always pray for you.

Once again, a very happy Hari Raya to all you people out there, for I certainly had a very happy and fulfilling Raya! Looking forward to the weekends.